7 Tips for Dealing with Conflict in Your Relationship

1. Create a welcoming environment for open communication.

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner can communicate openly about what’s bothering you and what’s going well in the relationship. It’s important to not only talk about the problems in the relationship, but also talk about the positive things, so no one feels like they’re doing everything wrong. If you feel like you can’t talk openly about important things like life problems, money, aspirations, and big picture things that scare you or are important, this is a sign that your relationship may be unhealthy. If you are unable to express your feelings without fear of retaliation from your partner, or if you become overly angry and defensive, you may be in an abusive relationship.

2. Maintain a calm and respectful demeanor during heated conversations.

Don’t cross the boundaries and start insulting your partner. Keep the focus of the disagreement and do not bring personal sarcasm and insults. Also, if your partner constantly gets very angry, becomes aggressive, or starts swearing, these are signs that your relationship may be abusive. Regardless of what caused the argument, no one should yell at you, swear at you, or otherwise harass and/or intimidate you while you are arguing. You should never feel like you are being attacked or that you need to tread carefully to avoid making your partner even more angry.

3. Get to the root of the problem.

Sometimes when you argue with your partner, it’s because someone’s needs aren’t being met. If your partner seems to be sweating the small stuff, take a moment to evaluate whether there’s a larger problem at hand. For example, if your partner is upset that you partied in the middle of the week, he or she may want you to devote more time to your relationship or worry about keeping your grades up. Consider things from your partner’s perspective and put yourself in their shoes – how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Understand your partner instead of just trying to push your point.

4. Beware of arguments arising from the need for control.

If you feel like your partner is trying to control what you do, this is a HUGE red flag. If your partner is angry that you text other people, doesn’t like it when you prioritize school and responsibilities over them, pressures you to hook up with them, or tries to limit the time you spend with your friends, these are signs that your partner may have a problem. No one should try to control you, especially your partner, even if they try to rationalize it by saying “I’m overprotective,” “it’s my trust issue,” or “because I love you.” If any of these behaviors sound familiar, your relationship may be abusive and you need to seek help.

5. Find a middle ground.

It is very important to find a balance between what both partners want and are comfortable with. If you both care about the relationship working, you’ll agree on things without feeling like you’re making huge sacrifices for your relationship. Compromising is an important way to resolve conflicts, and finding a middle ground may be easier than you think! If you’re arguing about spending time with friends or your partner’s friends, alternate days to spend time with each group of friends or do your own thing for a night. If you think your partner always eats all your food, ask him or her to make chips next time you go grocery shopping.

6. Accept the disagreement.

Sometimes we need to consider whether what we’re fighting about is really worth arguing about. Is it just a matter of what you’re going to have for dinner?… If the problem is minor, sometimes it’s best to let it go. If you’re not going to be mad about it next week, it’s probably not worth your energy. You and your partner will definitely not agree on everything, and if you think the problem is too big to solve, you should consider whether you and your partner are truly compatible.

7. Evaluate whether the problem is solvable.

Sometimes we have an argument with our partner about something REALLY big and affecting our lives – like changing schools, whether or not you want to have kids, and where you’ll live when you graduate. If you feel like you have to sacrifice your beliefs, morals, or dreams to make the relationship work, you should consider whether this relationship is really worth continuing. Having compatible goals, dreams, values, and beliefs is an important part of being compatible with someone.

If you keep these tips in mind the next time you have an argument, you can be sure to handle future conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner. Constant arguing, overly heated battles, and fights that get out of control are signs of an unhealthy relationship.