How does our relationship with our fathers affect the life we ​​live now, our personality and our relationships?

Relationship with our own father…

When we think of our own father as angry, violent, uncaring, indifferent, distant/withdrawn, abandoning, alcoholic, condemning, and/or critical, we tend to believe these words about ourselves:

• “I am worthless”
• “I’m stupid”
• “I’m clumsy”
• “I am not loved or loved”

 As long as we accept these words  as truth, we will live depressed, anxious and angry lives.

• Low self-esteem and low self-confidence
  

  Children are self-centered by nature. They often blame themselves for anything negative that happened in childhood (especially if it was not clearly explained to them). Your inner critic (inner voice) may be telling you that you are not worthy of good things or that you are not good enough (because your father abandoned you).

• Anxiety
  

  Growing up with an (emotionally) absent father may have left you with a feeling of “I’m not good enough,” and perhaps you have hidden feelings of loss, anger, shame, sadness, and anxiety that you try to hold in deeper.

• Poor Choices in Romantic Partners ( Having Emotionally Unavailable Relationships) Unless we are aware of it, we look for the same dynamic in our romantic relationships that we experienced in our childhood. You may have an unconscious desire to repair your relationship with your father by establishing a relationship with a person who creates similar and familiar feelings to those you experienced in your childhood. We often gravitate towards something that feels familiar because at least we know what we’re dealing with. Being in a relationship with someone who is consistent and reliable can be potentially emotionally threatening.
  

• Sad mood/depression
  

  Over time, your anxiety may turn into low mood. On the other hand, you may have internalized your anger towards your father and his absence and become depressed as a result.

• Anger
  

  Maybe he was a drug addict, abusive, liar, and untrustworthy man whose behavior hurt you deeply. You may feel like you’re stuck in anger, and this can manifest itself in many ways. You may also easily feel anger when there is conflict in a relationship.

• Hard Boundaries
  

  If your father frequently showed up late or missed important events in your life, you may be able to more than compensate for this by setting extremely strict boundaries in adulthood.  You may feel like everything needs to be planned and planned, and you can’t easily forgive people who are late, cancel, or want to reschedule. This is an attempt to regain the sense of control you had growing up with a missing father.

• difficulty drawing boundaries
  

  Another possibility is the other extreme of having loose boundaries. If your father is overly critical and never seems happy with what you do, you may develop a need to please people. You desperately want acceptance and approval, so you can’t say no.

• Cycle of Abuse

  Unfortunately, abuse victims can sometimes continue the cycle when they become parents themselves. If you don’t have a solid parenting example, it’s harder to be a good parent on your own. You may find yourself unconsciously repeating the mistakes your father made. Of course, if someone has endured pain, they want to protect their child from going through the same experience. This makes addressing your father’s wound critical not only for you, but for your spouse(s) and children.