Changing Personality: Myth or Possibility?

If you are reading this article, self-development is important to you. And then you probably ask yourself, like many others, the question: can we change our personality, or do we simply have to learn to accept ourselves as we are?

Opinions are divided, but recent research offers us surprising insights. Let’s dive into the fascinating world of personality change together.

The battle: self-acceptance versus self-improvement

Self-acceptance is often seen as the ultimate goal in life. The idea that you are good just the way you are can be liberating.

But does this mean that we cannot or should not change our personality? Certainly not. Because we all have aspects of ourselves that we value less or that we know improving would benefit us.

So it is not about a black and white choice between acceptance and change, but about finding a balance between the two.

Is our personality set in stone?

There is a long-standing debate about the extent to which our personality is changeable. Some argue that our personality is largely fixed by the time we reach adulthood, while others argue that our personality is constantly changing as a result of our experiences and environment.

The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Just as there are body types, there are also brain types that form the hardware of what we experience as our personality. But there is also room for change through conscious efforts and adjustments in our behavioral patterns.

Scientifically proven tips for personality change

Research shows that it is possible to intentionally change your personality through repeated changes in your thinking, acting and reacting patterns. Researcher Nathan Hudson has done groundbreaking work in the field of interventions that can bring about long-term changes in personality. For example, he developed the series of ‘challenges’ that can help people change their personality through targeted actions.

The ‘challenge’ series: a practical approach to personality change

An important breakthrough in research into personality change is the development of concrete challenges. These challenges are specific actions that people can take to steer their personality in the desired direction . Here is a detailed list of challenges for the most common personality traits.

First choose which challenge you want to take on, and then read the accompanying tips.

Being social

1. Before going to bed, reflect on a positive social experience from that day.
2. Greet a cashier in a store.
3. Smile and wave at someone new at work or in your neighborhood.
4. Say hello to someone you’ve never met.
5. Choose one or two events to go to where you can meet new people.
6. Prepare short answers to frequently asked questions.
7. Post a positive comment on someone’s Facebook
8. Ask a cashier how his day is going.
9. Have a chat about your environment with someone you don’t know yet.
10. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.

Be sympathetic

1. Smile at a stranger.
2. Say “please” and “thank you” when asking for something.
3. Hold the door open for someone.
4. Write down something nice someone did for you today.
5. Write for five minutes about things you are grateful for in a relationship.
6. Before bed, reflect on something nice someone did for you that day.
7. Give a friend or family member a hug.
8. Thank someone you wouldn’t normally thank.
9. Accept a compliment with “Thank you.”
10. Think about the good qualities of people you love.

Conscientiousness/Careful

1. Put your cell phone in your pocket while you work and don’t look at it.
2. Start preparing for an event ten minutes earlier.
3. Organize the app icons on your phone screen.
4. Write for five minutes about the benefits of thoroughness and productivity.
5. Make a list of people who count on you.
6. Arrive five minutes early for an appointment.
7. Lay out your clothes the night before.
8. Read an email or text carefully before sending it.
9. Make a note on your phone when you need to buy something.
10. Write down tasks directly in your phone or calendar.

Emotional Stability

1. Say out loud in the morning, “I choose to be happy today.”
2. If you feel overwhelmed, stop and breathe deeply.
3. Before you go to bed, write down something positive that happened to you that day.
4. Smile consciously for at least five minutes.
5. Give a loved one a hug.
6. Be grateful for what you have for five minutes in the morning.
7. Schedule 30 minutes for an activity you enjoy.
8. Express your gratitude to someone else.
9. Before you go to bed, write down something you are looking forward to the next day.
10. Meditate for at least five minutes.

Openness to experiences and ideas

1. Read a news article about a foreign country.
2. Read about recent scientific discoveries and technologies.
3. Watch a new movie you’ve never seen before.
4. Watch an episode of a new TV series.
5. Subscribe to a new podcast and listen to the first episode.
6. Think for five minutes about your life goals and values.
7. Try a new dish at a restaurant.
8. Visit a museum or art gallery.
9. Read a news article about political beliefs that are different from yours.
10. Imagine where you would go and what you would do if you could time travel.

Choose your challenges and gamify your growth

An effective way to work on personality change is to choose specific, achievable challenges that match the traits you want to develop. These challenges can range from greeting a stranger to actively participating in social events.

Gamifying these actions, for example by awarding yourself ‘medals’ for completed challenges, makes the process more fun and motivating. So reward yourself immediately after the desired behavior to reinforce it.

Implementation intentions: the key to success

A crucial aspect of personality change is creating implementation intentions. These are ‘if-then’ plans that help you respond automatically to certain situations. For example: “ When I feel overwhelmed, I take a few deep breaths.” By establishing these plans in advance, you reduce the mental effort required to adjust your behavior.

And by becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and intentionally acting differently than you are used to, you can effectively work on change.

Patience and realism: essential for success

It is important to be patient and realistic about the pace of personality change. Don’t expect miracles overnight. Personality change is a process that takes time and consistent effort.

Share your journey, but only when you’re done

While it can be tempting to share your resolutions and progress on social media, this can sometimes be counterproductive. Wait to share until you have actually experienced change. This makes your story more authentic and inspiring to others.

Your personal journey towards change

I am curious about your experiences. Do you have a personality trait or behavior pattern that you want to change? Which of these strategies appeals to you most? Share your thoughts in a message to me and let’s explore together how we can improve ourselves, while respecting who we are.

If you want to discover a manual for your brain and easily change your personality the way you want, register now for the  Licensed Practitioner or NLP for Business training . Because then you discover how to become the architect of your own life and steer your brain towards a future full of success and fulfillment.

As a mental coach and personal brain trainer, I help my clients to experience less stress and more pleasure in their lives, develop their self-confidence and take small steps to a great life. With the latest mental techniques we can create the habits you want. So  get in touch  if you’d like to learn more about how I can help you solve your problems and achieve your goals.