How can borderline personality disorder affect relationships?

Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and their partners. The biggest known problem of borderline personality disorder in terms of relationships is the fear of abandonment .

Borderline personality disorder symptoms can cause constant changes in emotions. For example, a person with Borderline personality disorder (BPD) may be affectionate and doting, but their emotional state may change within a few hours. They may feel overwhelmed. This can cause them to push away the partner they’ve drawn closer to.

With treatment and ongoing support from family, people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can have successful relationships. Read on to find out how this is possible and what you can do if you or your partner has borderline personality disorder.

 

What is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder; It is a psychiatric disorder that causes problems in the way a person thinks and perceives, in his feelings towards people, and in his relationships. The word ‘borderline’, which describes the disorder, means ‘on the edge, uncertain’. The reason for this is when borderline personality disorder was first described; It is considered as the border between two psychiatric conditions called neurosis and psychosis.

People with borderline personality disorder are often impulsive and emotionally unstable. There may be periods of intense anger, anxiety and depression. These episodes may last several hours and may be followed by a more stable period. These episodes may also last for several days and negatively affect the person’s work, relationships, or physical health. They are prone to self-harm, accidents and fights. Suicide is also more common among these people.

Another way to understand how a person with borderline personality disorder experiences life is to notice that they have a harder time returning to an emotional footing. When something exciting or positive happens, they may experience greater joy for longer periods of time. But the opposite is also true: if something bad happens, their normal state may be challenged.

It can lead to intense, conflict-filled relationships for friends, family members, and partners of a person with borderline personality disorder.

 

What if you are in a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder ?

A romantic relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder can be simply tumultuous. It is not uncommon to experience a lot of turmoil and dysfunction. However, these people can be extremely caring, compassionate and affectionate. In fact, some people find this level of commitment from a partner pleasant. A person with borderline personality disorder may also be very physical and willing to spend a lot of time with their partner. At the same time, people with borderline personality disorder are sensitive to abandonment or rejection. Many focus excessively on perceived signs that a romantic partner is not happy or may leave them. When a person with borderline personality disorder senses a change in their partner’s emotions, whether real or imagined, they may immediately withdraw. They may get angry and hurt by something that a normal person wouldn’t react to. They may even become obsessive.

• THEIR RELATIONSHIPS HAVE QUITE UPS-UPS AND-DOWN…  The lover who does something he likes one day is the best in the world for him, he cannot accept the possibility of the same person making a mistake and the moment he makes a mistake it becomes the worst in the world. He constantly has fears of abandonment and the disappearance of his lover. These fears and anxieties also cause him to experience uncontrollable behaviors and emotions in the relationship. The ability to experience and mourn a loss has never been developed, and since he does not have the strength to endure it, he makes serious efforts to avoid being abandoned.
• THEY DO NOT DO WHAT THEY DO CONSCIOUSLY… In fact, even though it may seem contradictory at times, they behave in ways that push their lover away from them as they get closer, and when their lover moves away from them, they start to get closer. This behavior can even happen within minutes. This suddenly changing behavior and emotional fluctuation is clearly noticeable in the other person. What he is doing here is actually a kind of test, we can say that it is an unconscious behavior he does to see his likability and value. However, the borderline person does not do any of these consciously.
• EITHER THEY WANT TO BE TOO CLOSE OR TOO FAR AWAY…  Borderline people feel suffocated and invaded by excessive closeness and begin to move away from the other person. Distance creates intense fear and creates a feeling of clinging. The relationship has a course that oscillates between being unable to keep the distance and either wanting to be too far or too close.
• THEIR TOLERANCE FOR BEING ALONE IS VERY LOW… There is almost no period in their lives when they do not have a relationship. Immediately after a relationship ends, he starts a new relationship with all his energy, without mourning the old relationship, and it is as if he has completely forgotten his old relationship and never existed. When he can’t find anyone to have a relationship with, he calls his friends and asks for a meeting with them as if they met yesterday, even if they haven’t contacted each other for months. In cases of rejection, a deep anger and depressive mood follows and he/she sets out in new searches. During this period, it may become persistent and invasive. When he finds someone to have a relationship with, he walks away from friends again and acts as if he doesn’t know them.

However, the stability of a partner can have a positive impact on the emotional sensitivities of a person with borderline personality disorder. Long-term relationships and marriages are possible for people with borderline personality disorder, although they may require a lot of work from both partners.

 

How does your borderline personality disorder affect your relationships?

Borderline personality disorder behaviors and symptoms can be detrimental to any relationship. They are more likely to have many romantic relationships that are often short-lived. This may be because you purposely broke off the relationship because you were afraid your partner would do it first. It could also be because your partner isn’t comfortable facing such a challenge.

It’s important to know that you can have a healthy relationship despite your personality disorder. Treatment can help you find stability in your emotional state and relationships, along with a strong support network.

Treatment won’t cure the disorder, but these options can help you learn to cope with symptoms and respond in ways that aren’t harmful to you or your partner.

 

Borderline personality disorder treatment

If you have a relative with borderline personality disorder, the best thing you can do about this issue is to set boundaries in a stable and determined manner, and to exhibit consistent behavior by reminding the boundaries over and over again in the face of boundary violations. In addition, it will be beneficial to increase your awareness by learning more about borderline.

The most common treatments include:

• Therapy. Dialectical behavioral therapy is widely used. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations logically and with good judgment. This will reduce the binary thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that many people with BPD have.

• Medication. There is no medication that can treat BPD, but antidepressants, antianxiety medications, and antipsychotics can help treat some symptoms.
• Hospitalization. If you begin to show signs of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, a doctor may hospitalize you for observation and intensive treatment.