How to control emotions

I’m going to give you an example of a situation in which most adults consider it impossible to control emotions : your child has fallen and hit his face badly.

And you, of course, are unable to keep your cool .

You see him on the ground covered in blood and your heart begins to beat so hard that it seems like it is going to jump out of your chest.

You go directly into “protector” mode (you can change yours to a lion or any ferocious animal).

Your emotions shoot out and run wild through your body.

They have taken control, they flood you.

And then, someone tells you: calm down!

Brrrrr… angry look, throbbing forehead vein.

You hate it at that moment, right?

Even if he is the person you love most in the world.

That right now when you can’t control yourself I say that to you, it makes your emotions multiply and flood your system.

They have gained control.

More brrrrr…

-I know I have to calm down, but I can’t f*ck up!

-But…

-No way, no matter how much you tell me, I won’t be able to, so please leave it now and go.

It’s clear that at that moment, in that circumstance and situation it seems like that’s not the way to help someone calm down, so it seems difficult, right?

I mean being able to control your emotions .

But is not. You know why?

Because there are only 6 basic emotions.

Yes, only 6, so this is going to be suck, you’ll see.

Trust me.

The good, the ugly, the bad, the regular, the anti-system and the one that no one expects.

The 6 basic emotions are: Fear, Surprise, Disgust, Anger, Joy and Sadness.

I know, you’ve noticed too: there seem to be more negative emotions than positive ones  .

That’s why they bother us so much and cause us so much fear (yes, admit it, sometimes feeling is scary).

Well, for that reason and because the negative ones last much longer than the positive ones.

In fact, did you know that the emotion that lasts the longest is sadness and that it lasts up to 4 times longer than joy?

You’re right: it’s a real chore.

It should be the other way around, right?

That the positive ones lasted longer, that they lasted so long that they even swept the negative ones off the map.

But that is not the case and we have to accept it.

Men do not cry.

Because that, my friend, is the first step: accepting and recognizing our emotions.

I already know that in many cases we have been educated to hide them.

To deny them.

We have been taught that emotions make us vulnerable and being vulnerable makes us weak.

And being weak means that they can hurt us and even destroy us.

This sounds familiar to you, doesn’t it?

But it doesn’t have to be that way, and I’m going to tell you something that perhaps you haven’t been told before, although sometimes we need to hear it or read it more than once for it to sink in.

The problem is not what you feel, but how you feel it.

Or what is the same: the way you interpret your emotions changes the way you live them.

Positive or negative: you decide.

Controlling emotions is a matter of attitude.

Why, when faced with the same exam, do two students who know the lesson inside out, one enjoys it beautifully and nails it, and the other, on the contrary, feels an uncontrollable and paralyzing panic, and does it fatally?

Simple: because they perceive it differently.

They live it differently, and face it with different attitudes.

So.

How can you be able to control your emotions, instead of the emotions controlling you?

With the right attitude.

And with some help.

Here are a few practical tips:

Stop ruminating . 

Yeah, you know, like cows.

Those adorable herbivores that chew food over and over again.

Well, sometimes you also do the same thing, you repeat the same thing over and over again in your head.

That only leads to anxiety and, in more severe cases, could lead to depression.

So STOP!!!

***** Practical advice :

Practice (forgive the redundancy) expressive writing for several days  .

For 20 minutes, you write about an emotion that affects you, honestly expressing the thoughts and feelings it generates in you.

By doing so, you force yourself to examine those ideas that have been bothering you and give them a structure, and in this way you close the vicious circle.

That is, you convert the emotion into something more rational and therefore subtract its negative charge.

Plus, writing about your emotions helps you heal them, and don’t worry if you feel like you’re a great writer: this is just for you and you’re the only one who’s going to read it.

To make it an honors degree, look for 3 positive things that you have learned from that situation and write them down as well.

Doing so will help you a lot when that emotion that has affected you so much and that you couldn’t stop thinking about (or ruminating on) occurs again.

Find the meaning of your emotions.

Things happen for a reason.

After all, emotions are mechanisms that work automatically to help us react quickly to unexpected events.

In fact, each emotion prepares your body for a type of necessary response, appropriate to the situation. For example, fear causes an increased heart rate, which causes more blood to reach your muscles, and this, in turn, facilitates the flight response.

This is what is called the adaptive function .

Finding the origin of your emotions is a good beginning to be able to cure them and ensure that they do not affect you again, or at least that they do not do so with such intensity, which is a great first step.

***** Practical advice :

Think about what caused that bad emotion in you, but reducing its negative connotation.

You can achieve this by putting things in perspective .

I’ll give you an example: you are always punctual, but today you were late and that takes you down the street of bitterness and you are beating yourself up alive.

Well, stop punishing yourself right now!

Everyone is late sometimes, and the world doesn’t end because of it, so be good to yourself and remember that on the scale there are 5,678,429 times in which you have been on time, versus one in which you have not.

Isn’t it a big deal when you see it like this?

Copy the specialist in controlling emotions, the superhero.

The two previous tips are good for analyzing what has already happened and ensuring that they do not have the same negative effect on you in the future.

But you want to know how to control emotions now .

How to manage the trembling legs, the racing heart, the cold sweat running down your back and do it now?

The time has come: you have to dust off the superhero cape that we all keep in our closet and put it on to face your fears.

Only this time we are going to do it little by little , in small doses.

***** Practical advice :

We are talking about exposure therapy .

That is, you have to expose yourself in a slow, controlled and repeated way to the emotion that paralyzes you.

By doing it little by little you gain confidence because you realize that nothing happens.

This way you send the brain a powerful message, worthy of the superhero that you are: I can do this!, which will help you when you are in a real situation.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst . 

Yes, I’m not crazy.

Thinking about the worst that can happen to you helps you put things into perspective and thus maintain control.

You know why?

Because normally, when we imagine the worst that can happen to us, it turns out that it is not that bad.

In addition, it helps you realize that you are more than prepared if the worst were to happen, because your mind begins to make plans to adapt to that new situation, which you sense is catastrophic.

***** Practical advice :

Distract your mind with “survival mode on” plans, that is, think about what you could do if everything went to shit.

This will help you decongest your emotions and gain perspective on what you are feeling.

Mirror, magic mirror . Who keeps calm better than me?

I know you’re neither Snow White nor her evil stepmother (nor any of the seven dwarfs, I hope  ) but talking to the mirror helps, believe me.

Seeing yourself reflected, flooded by your emotions, allows you to gain perspective, because since you won’t like what you’re seeing, you’ll want to change it.

It’s something instant, like Cola Cao.

The more aware you are of what you are doing, the more ability to control it you will have little grasshopper.

Isabel Kung-Fu Sion.

*****Practical advice :

If you don’t have a mirror handy and can’t run to the nearest toilet, use your imagination.

Surely you remember Hulk, the green monster that poor Bruce Banner became.

Well, imagine Hulk getting angry because he can’t open the mustard packet with his giant hands.

But put your face to it.

Have I already made you smile?

Seeing yourself from the outside (not like leaving your body or anything like that, of course, that gives you joy), or rather, visualizing how others may be seeing you, will help you calm down.

If this is accompanied by slow, rhythmic breathing, we will have deactivated the bomb.

Tips to control emotions.

There are several very effective tricks that can help you distract yourself when you are in the middle of an emotional attack.

They are distraction techniques that will keep your mind busy, which will help you calm down.

***** Practical advice :

Try the tricks in the following list, but keep in mind that they are examples, but not the only ones.

Surely there is something specific that you like to do that will help you right now.

Your task to control your emotions effectively is to find that brain task that will be your particular handbrake.

But before giving you the list, I’m going to start at the end by giving you the last piece of advice.

Because it is a personal gift from me to you.

Listen to music that helps you regain control (not Heavy Metal, that will make you more frantic  ).

If you don’t have one, here is the link to one that always works for me.

I hope you like it!

10 Distraction Techniques to Keep Calm.

• Count up to 10, or if you need to, up to 1,000.
• Stay away from the place and don’t return until you feel better.
• Talk to someone about the latest movie you saw or the book you’re reading.
• Try to remember the lyrics of one of your favorite songs and hum it in your head.
• Imagine yourself in another place, are you from the beach or from the mountains?
• Look for that video on YouTube with the kittens that makes you laugh so much.
• Mentally review your agenda, with everything you have to do.
• Do a crossword puzzle, a word search, or a sudoku.
• Puzzles can also be an alternative.
• Focus your attention for 2 minutes on a nearby object, then close your eyes and try to create a mental image of that object and what you could do with it.

As you can see, these are practical, easy and painless tips.

Do you see how you could trust me?

Also, in case you are still not convinced of how to control emotions, let me tell you something: even if you refuse to recognize your emotions, you cannot stop feeling.

So better do something to help you manage them, don’t you think?

Love yourself very much.

I assure you that if you practice them you will be able to control your emotions much better instead of them controlling you.

Just a couple more things.

The first: sugar!

I’m not Celia Cruz, but you see, I’m going to tell you a secret: maintaining control is an important exercise for your body, which is why it consumes more glucose than usual.

So something as simple as drinking a sugary drink   will help balance you out.

And last, but not least: to be able to control your emotions, it is essential that you love yourself, that you love yourself very much.

If this is difficult for you, here is a link with keys to get it, although maybe it would be better if you call me and we can arrange a meeting to get to know each other.