How to Overcome Insecurity in Relationships?

What is insecurity? How do we overcome the problem of insecurity? What is the key to a healthy relationship? As the Terappin family, we are ready to answer all such questions.

Insecurity can be one of the biggest problems in relationships, and overcoming it can lead to a better, stronger relationship.

If you’re ready, you can learn more by reading now.

What is Insecurity?

What is insecurity? Individuals who do not have sufficient confidence or have trust issues tend to control their partners’ actions and answers. If there is a lack of trust in a relationship, this can lead to harmful thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, which can lead to a toxic relationship . Examples of these states include negative qualities, suspicion, and jealousy. Over time, these negative behaviors can lead to physical or emotional abuse.

Trust issues may also be linked to:

• Depression
• Adjustment disorders (difficulty coping with certain levels of stress)
• Anxiety
• fear of abandonment
• attachment problems
• post-traumatic stress
• Schizophrenia

Many people experience trust issues in relationships, and even everyone may feel suspicious at some point. The important thing is to recognize the problems and understand in which situation you may need help. If the problems become increasingly serious and become bigger problems, it is necessary to get expert help.

What are the signs of insecurity?

There may be many symptoms of insecurity in relationships. Some examples of these symptoms are as follows:

Pistanthrophobia:

This is a type of phobia that can be briefly explained as the fear of trusting people . It is observed that people with this phobia have been betrayed and disappointed by the people they trusted in the past. So, the fear of trusting people because of past experiences is called pistanthrophobia.

Jealousy :

Symptoms of jealousy are usually the first thing to be observed in people who have insecurity problems. An example of jealous behavior and thoughts can be given when a person sees other people around him/her as a threat in a relationship and sees this as a problem.

Focus on mistakes rather than truths:

Also, always expecting the worst is a sign of insecurity. Individuals showing this symptom generally focus on the wrong behavior of their partner rather than the right thing and make this a problem. Also, having doubts and thinking that the worst is happening in every situation is a sign of insecurity.

Not believing what other people say:

It can be observed that individuals with insecurity problems tend to check the veracity of everything that other people say. Even when the other person has no reason to lie or be dishonest, the individual may not believe what is said until he or she can check for accuracy.

Keeping people away from you:

Individuals with insecurity issues may not be willing to open up, even if they are in a long and meaningful relationship. They may be sensitive and shy about sharing their own feelings and emotions.

How Do You Know If You Have an Insecurity Issue?

While answering this question, we first tried to list some questions you can ask yourself by considering all the relationships in your life, and then list the situations you can observe in partnership relationships.

General questions you can ask about insecurity:

• Are you skeptical when people approach you?
• Do you hesitate to ask other people for help?
• Do you often think about the possibility that others may disappoint you? Do you avoid associating with people as a precaution?
• When you think of human relationships, do you always think of the worst case scenario?

Some behaviors you need to observe to understand whether you or your partner have any insecurity issues are as follows:

• If you easily overreact to your partner and tend to blame them. You may also be looking for an explanation for a possible betrayal by your partner, and you may question yourself as to what jealousy is . These are among the most important symptoms of the problem of insecurity. You may also be afraid and suspicious that your partner will leave you or betray you immediately in any situation.
• If you have attachment issues in any relationship or keep your partner away from you, you may have insecurity issues. Self-sabotaging or relationship sabotaging behaviors can be extremely worrying.
• The question of what self-confidence is can be answered as a person’s self-confidence and the belief that he will overcome the difficulties he encounters. Low self-esteem, anxiety, depression or loneliness can be signs of insecurity. Also, another important symptom may be that you constantly start relationships with unreliable people. Being influenced by people with trust issues may be a sign that you also have trust issues.

If you frequently observe the above-mentioned symptoms in yourself or your partner, we may recommend that you consult a specialist. After answering the question of what insecurity is, knowing its symptoms in detail is one of the steps towards a healthy relationship.

What Causes Insecurity?

Studies show that the lack of confidence experienced by individuals is usually due to negative reasons they have experienced before. Positive examples of trust are the close relationships we establish with our family and friends. The trustworthy, sincere relationships we have with them are opportunities that show us that we can experience this with other people, too. Having trust problems with the people at the core of our lives can lead us to think that people are untrustworthy as a general judgment.

early childhood experience

According to psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, this trust is established from the first days of our lives, in infancy. In this phase, called the trust or distrust phase, the baby discovers whether he can trust the care given to him. This is an important phenomenon in our lives in determining the course of development. At this point, we can say that children who grow up with supportive parents establish healthy relationships more easily in adulthood.

Bullying or social rejection

Peer bullying we are exposed to, especially during childhood, or social exclusion we face for any reason can cause us to experience insecurity. When people become vulnerable because they have been hurt before, they may experience trust problems in their relationships in adulthood.

Unhealthy toxic relationships

The partnership relationship that causes us to be emotionally abused may also cause us to have trust problems in subsequent partnership relationships. Because of the negative experience he had with his previous partner, the person may think that his next partner will hurt him and take advantage of him emotionally.

Trauma or post-traumatic insecurity

A person’s mental health conditions or traumas they have experienced can affect how a person sees themselves in relation to others and can lead to mistrust. At this point, problems with trust may appear as one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Personality characteristics

Some people may be more prone to experiencing insecurity due to their character traits. One example that can be given is that neurotic people are more likely to encounter this situation than others. Additionally, it is stated that the feature called locus of control may also have an impact on this issue. The concept relates to a person’s belief in how much control he has over the events that happen to him. While some people attribute their experiences mostly to external factors, these people believe that they largely determine their fate.

Different Types of Insecurity Problems

When it comes to insecurity, the first thing that comes to our mind may be the problem of insecurity in romantic relationships. However, we may also experience this problem in our friendships, work or family relationships. Distrust can arise from lack of communication in any of our relationships and cause conflicts.

Romantic relationships:

Individuals who have trust issues often have difficulty trusting their partners in romantic relationships. This may also lead to problems such as infidelity due to trust in the relationship, difficulty and reluctance towards commitment.

Friendship relationships:

Distrust, which we can also observe in friendship relationships, may arise from fear of disappointment, betrayal or deception. Negative experiences, disappointments and damaged trust with others in the past can also negatively affect future relationships and make it difficult to re-establish trust.

Business relationships:

Sometimes, there may be some reasons why a person does not trust his colleagues at his workplace. The person may worry that something is being done against him or that a conspiracy is being made against him. However, some people may argue that it is not necessary to trust co-workers.

The trust problem we experience with individuals we are in relationships with can spread to various areas of our lives. It can cause our romantic relationships to become more anxious, our friendships more difficult to maintain, and the tensions we may experience at work.

Ways to Overcome the Problem of Insecurity in Relationships

You have realized that there is a trust problem in your relationship or you have broken your partner’s trust and you are looking for the answer to the question of how to fix the trust problem. So let’s get started!

Firstly; If you or someone you love is facing insecurity issues, they should definitely know that they are not alone. Additionally, there are ways to create healthier, trusting and loving romantic or family relationships. How to solve the insecurity problem:

Contact your partner:

Direct and honest communication with the partner is a key element in restoring trust. You should always keep in mind that you can contact and talk to your partner.

One of the most critical issues we can point out regarding the issue of distrust is to distinguish between the concepts of control and trust. In this situation, which can also occur in jealousy, people may feel like they have been deceived or taken advantage of. Although these negative experiences hurt the person, they are not situations that the person can control. Wanting to have control over every situation will wear out the relationship in the long run.

Try to rebuild a sense of trust:

It is important to accept people into our lives and even forgive them in some cases. There are four general factors for increasing trust in close relationships:

• Honesty and integrity
• Vulnerability
• Understanding
• Direct contact

If your friend or loved one is struggling with insecurity, you should aim to be honest and direct in all your personal interactions. Talking about a problem through direct communication and approaching it with understanding will contribute to regaining the lost sense of trust.

First of all, trust yourself

One of the important steps that can be taken regarding trust is to trust ourselves. This does not mean that one should never question oneself or one’s choices. On the contrary, it means improving our self-awareness in our relationships with others. With awareness, we can focus on what we feel now instead of our past and future emotions.

Try talking to an expert

It is very important to be aware of the problems and make efforts to overcome them. However, you should remember that you should seek professional help at the point where you think your emotions are out of control. The specialist you will consult will help you cope with insecurity. The process will help you figure out why you are faced with this situation, new solutions you can explore, and how you can rebuild trust.

Consider cognitive behavioral therapy

This type of therapy helps to get to the sources of the individual’s insecurity problem. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of therapy performed through conversation. Therapists believe that thoughts influence behavior. In this type of therapy, the client tries to overcome his own problems by talking to the specialist. The therapist aims to find the source of the client’s problems and teach them how to act and think differently in these situations.

How to Gain Trust?

As someone who has committed behaviors that you do not want to do, it can be difficult and tiring to be constantly reminded of them. It is important to identify the underlying causes of the problems and for both parties to work on it and be willing to do so. However, it is important to state that you will no longer repeat that behavior, that there are no more lies, secrets or infidelity, and that this is reflected in your behavior.

It is important to be honest and transparent in your communication and to offer a sincere apology. You should avoid entering into a dialogue that will perpetuate the conflict in your communication. Trying to justify your past behavior with his actions will not take the relationship to a better point than it is now.

How Can You Rebuild Trust Together?

If the sense of trust in the relationship has been damaged before, both parties need to be patient in order to rebuild it. Let’s list the steps that can be examples of steps you can take in this regard:

• Be consistent.
• Be open and willing to put more effort into your relationship.
• Have a strong communication with each other, talk and ask questions to understand better.
• Gain new memories and experiences together.
• Empathize by putting yourself in each other’s shoes and be there for each other.
• Keep your promises.
• Discover new ways to engage.
• Also deepen your self-awareness so that you can share your desires, thoughts, and feelings.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What causes the feeling of insecurity?

It should be known that people with insecurity problems are not born with this problem. Individuals who feel insecure try to cope with this problem due to many past experiences. Their past experiences may have led them to believe that their partner is unreliable. In fact, it is not necessary that these experiences are generally acquired from romantic relationships.

What does it mean to not trust?

Trust; It is one of the cornerstones that enable the development of healthy, safe and satisfying relationships. The feeling of insecurity may be caused by previous bad experiences, unhealthy partnership relationships, bullying during childhood, exclusion, traumas experienced in a certain period of life, or some personality traits, which may cause individuals to experience a feeling of insecurity.

How do I get rid of insecurity?

You may be able to solve this by focusing on the problem of distrust with open and reliable communication. At this point, attention should be paid to the line between establishing control over the other party and trusting them, and the person himself should trust the other party.

In some cases, individuals may have difficulty solving this problem. In this case, meeting with an expert can help find new ways and rebuild trust.

How to gain the trust of a cheated woman? How to regain a man’s trust?

It is very important that the communication in this process is transparent and honest and that the parties are truly willing to do so. A sincere apology should be stated and stated that the behavior that creates distrust will not be repeated. However, linking the behavior to the behavior of the other party will increase the conflict and negatively affect the relationship.