How to say “no” politely?
A big concern, especially for a people pleaser, is being able to politely say no. No is such a small word, but it’s really hard to say no. Yes, people pleaser is the most frequently used word in the dictionary. It’s not easy for a people pleaser to replace yes with no. No, it seems like a pretty forbidden word for many people. We are often afraid to say no because we think it wouldn’t be considered polite.
There are several reasons why saying no is considered rude. Some may assume that saying no to someone will hurt their feelings, that they will no longer love you, and that they will not include you in their future dealings.
Sometimes we don’t say no because we’re worried about being judged as helpful, too stubborn, selfish, and accommodating.
In many cultures around the world, no is considered a sign of disrespect.
For example, in many Asian cultures, when you are invited to someone’s home for dinner, it is considered disrespectful to say no to any of the food served on the table. Likewise, in many cultures around the world, no is not considered good.
In relationships, people may choose to spend the rest of their lives with someone because they do not want to experience the discomfort of saying no.
Many times people realize much earlier that this is not the right person for them, but to avoid hurting others’ feelings, they try to convince themselves otherwise by saying no.
In the dating world , people may continue seeing people they don’t like that much because they don’t want to break the other person’s heart. Or you may avoid texts and calls after the first date because you don’t know how to say no.
If you want to climb the corporate ladder at work , you may fear that the word no will not be perceived as “lack of motivation” or “not ambitious enough.”
Women, especially women who may be mothers or have other responsibilities, feel pressure to take on more than their lives allow because they do not want to be perceived in a negative light.
Saying no causes so much discomfort that the person may not be able to say no without experiencing the resulting feelings of guilt and anxiety. If you choose not to say no to avoid these feelings, you will end up in a situation that will make you miserable and miserable.
Saying no to something is like expressing your needs, and that’s a vulnerable thing to do. Not expressing your needs protects you from being vulnerable, but it can leave you feeling stuck.
How to politely say no to people?
When you say no to something, you can say it in the nicest way possible, but you can’t control how it will be perceived. All you can do is be aware of other people’s feelings when setting this boundary and say no in the best way possible, feel as safe as possible when saying no, and meet your needs. Don’t let your emotions change your decision. Just because they feel bad about no doesn’t mean they don’t like you or that you did something wrong by saying no. Someone who cares about you may feel bad, but they will always understand.
Start by setting some rules for yourself . For example, make it a rule that when someone asks you for a favor, you’ll ask for a while. You may say, “I need to think. ”
Take some time before answering. We tend to feel pressured to respond immediately. Ask questions , get more information before answering. Ask them to send you details about the event and tell them you’ll need to get back to them later.
“ I’m not sure how I’ll fit into the next few weeks. Send me the details, I will check my schedule and get back to you.”
The next rule is to really take that time to think about whether you really want to do it and why . Don’t convince yourself by saying, “I’ll be fine.” “It doesn’t bother me.” “I’m free that day anyway.” You may be available, but you may want to use your time for yourself.
When you say no to something, be honest and give a simple reason like “I’m busy” or “this is not a good time”, NOT an explanation.
If for any reason you feel you cannot complete their request. You can tell them something like, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t or won’t be able to attend because it’s a very busy time for me.” You don’t have to explain too much to them.
If for any reason you feel you cannot complete their request. You can tell them something like, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t or won’t be able to attend because it’s a very busy time for me.” You don’t have to explain too much to them.
If some of you ask why, you might be thinking what happened? You can respond with the truth, but you don’t actually have to give an explanation. A simple “I’m busy” is enough. You don’t need to give them an answer that you think will be acceptable.
I know it feels weird to say no without any explanation because we are so used to justifying our nos. However, once you do it a few times, it will eventually stop feeling weird.
You can also offer an alternative for someone who is a close friend or co-worker.
If it’s someone you care about, you can offer them another option – For example, if it’s a friend’s birthday and you’ve had a terrible day. You don’t have the energy to act like everything is great, then tell your friend. They may feel bad, but if they’re a good friend, they’ll understand. You can say something like, “I can’t make it to your birthday today, I had a terrible day, let’s hang out tomorrow and have a long birthday celebration for you.”
If you’ve been asked by someone at work to give a presentation, but you’re too busy to prepare for it, introduce them to someone else on your team who would be happy to take it on.
Imagine planning a trip with your best friend after a long time, dreaming of a relaxed weekend with a good friend. A few days before the trip, you get a call from a friend saying they want to invite someone else on the trip.
You don’t like the idea, but you’re worried about saying no because it might make you look bad. Well, you can approach this by saying, “I was looking forward to us just hanging out on this trip and reconnecting after so long, so let’s keep this one to ourselves.”
Another situation that comes up frequently is telling someone you’ve met over a few dates that they might not be interested in you. You could say something like, “It was really nice knowing you, but we might not be a good fit because our needs or interests don’t match.”
No need to apologize – You have the option to accept or reject someone’s request. You can express that you feel sorry for not being able to accommodate their wishes, but you don’t have to apologize.
Saying no will come with practice and having patience and compassion for yourself when you can’t say no. Connecting with yourself, identifying your needs, and prioritizing yourself will gradually make it easier for you to know what you want to say no to. Give yourself time to say no in a way that you consider polite.
Working on your core beliefs about people-pleasing and saying no will help relieve the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you think about saying no.