How to take care of your non-verbal communication?

Contrary to what one might intuitively think, non-verbal communication (that which does not pass through language) occupies a preponderant part of our communication . This form of communication represents all those elements which come into play in a discussion or an exchange but having no link with speech. For example: intonation can give the same sentence different meanings, or the gestural attitude which helps to persuade better, or which can quite simply betray us when we try to lie or hide something. The forms of this non-verbal communication remain variable depending on the culture, but they all share this common point: not everything that is said is necessarily said through our words.

This article will help you better understand this aspect of communication, decode body language, your own or that of others, and use non-verbal communication to your advantage.

L’intonation

The importance of intonation is linked to the rhythm and intensity added to words. A hello accompanied by a happy (lively, playful) tone readily informs us that this person is happy to see us. Conversely, a dry hello (sign of aggression) without any ounce of joy in the voice or a low tone (sign of nonchalence) will tend to make people believe that our presence is not very desirable and that the hello was appropriate.

Intonation says a lot about what you are thinking and what you may be feeling. Your speaking speed, speaking out loud or in a low voice, hesitation: all these elements influence your interlocutors and push them to think beyond what you say.

So if you want to convince people of your good will; put more enthusiasm into it! Do not hesitate to express yourself openly and spontaneously to encourage the person in front of you to better participate in your conversation.

Posture and gestures

The way a person stands is a very important indicator of how they relate to themselves and to us. A person who is confident will tend to stand up straight, as well as with an open rather than closed posture (arms open rather than crossed, body facing rather than turned away). These signs of posture demonstrate her self-confidence, the fact that she is not afraid to present herself and her ideas, unlike shy people who may adopt less careful postures, who will tend to curl up on them. themselves in order to occupy as little space as possible.

Gestures also count a lot, and they can help us support the speech we are making by giving it more meaning, or conversely discredit us in front of our interlocutor. Someone who tends to play excessively with their hands will indicate a little nervousness, while someone who controls their gestures will be able to be more persuasive in what they say. Coherence between speech and gestures is therefore very important.

You will only have to look at famous speakers, presenters or politicians, you will notice that their gestures make you want to listen to them even more : they are neither stiff or rigid, nor are they soft and mobile in every way. sense.

The look and facial expression

A look can express a range of feelings from euphoria to anger . You also need to pay attention to eye contact: someone who is confident will tend to maintain eye contact, while a shy person will be more likely to avoid stares, insistent or not, which would be destabilizing for them. Having a shifty look can also indicate the person’s disinterest in your speech, which is why when a parent argues with their child, they often repeat: “You look at me when I talk to you!” .

Facial expressions also play an important role in nonverbal communication because every emotion you feel can show on your face unless you have a high level of emotional control. Your interlocutors will need to understand what you are saying through your face, so if you want to communicate something positive, do not hesitate to release your bodily emotions.

The distance

Depending on the type of relationship you have with a person, you will tend to keep a more or less variable distance. You will feel more comfortable standing a few centimeters from your partner than from your boss or an average person. This distance, often called “social distance”, is thus a marker allowing us to communicate the degree of proximity that we wish to establish with others. Depending on the distance a person establishes with you, you will then be better able to identify whether this person is making advances towards you or simply chatting with you, whether they want to be your friend or not, etc.

You must therefore know how to differentiate the emotional zone from other zones, at the risk of being misunderstood by invading the personal space of the people you are speaking to, and it is important to know how to calibrate things according to the other.

Physical contact

A simple handshake at the end of a job interview won’t give you the same information as a tap on the shoulder. You will feel more reassured to see that there was a light, warm and above all balanced touch, rather than a very dominant and unconcerned tap on the shoulder. Depending on the person and the nature of our relationships with them, we will tend to naturally adopt but also expect particular types of physical contact, and this is therefore a good indicator of the emotional closeness we have with that person.

For your part too, try to express your intentions and your position through tactile contact, and thus establish either a climate of friendly relaxation (through light contacts) or a professional climate (contacts limited to greetings).

Our communication is therefore much more than what we say, it includes what we do not say but which we transmit, and it is by understanding this that you will be better able to make yourself understood but also to understand the ‘other.

If, despite everything, you have difficulty controlling or understanding certain aspects of communication, our online psychologists can help you get to the bottom of what is holding you back, and you will thus be able to better calm your social interactions.

You will be able to consult our psychologists via different media, by registering right here.