Learning to Parent Yourself
Healing Your Inner Child …
Self-parenting is the way to meet unmet needs from childhood and build a strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth.
Self-parenting helps your wounded inner child heal and grow. It is created by nourishing ourselves and regulating our behavior and emotions.
Self-parenting means learning what we need and how to be a good parent or adult to provide it. It teaches us to align what we want with what is good for us. Successful self-parenting begins with learning about all of our facets and characteristics so we can find the parts of ourselves that need attention. Because no single parent can meet all of a child’s developmental needs, we each have parts of ourselves that have been neglected, traumatized, or hurt.
The good news is that we can heal the wounds of the past. We can reduce the deficits from childhood by self-parenting. With the help of a loving inner parent, you can meet unmet needs from childhood.
- Acknowledge your Inner Child’s feelings and establish emotional boundaries:
Children need to learn what emotions are, how to name them, and how to express them. This is how we learn how to understand our emotions and how to use them. The purpose of emotions is to give us information so we can make decisions about what is happening.
- Example: Allow yourself to own your emotions and name them accurately. Don’t tell yourself that you’re bad for feeling what you feel. Learn how to use your emotions to help yourself.
- Model good behavior:
Children observe their parents and learn through their actions. What they see affects them more than what they hear. Parents need to be able to control their own emotions and behavior.
- Example: When you feel angry, learn to express it in a positive way. Use the energy from the emotion to perform a necessary action. Learn to express your emotions in a timely manner so that they do not accumulate and get out of control.
- Set reasonable expectations and have consistent limits:
When boundaries are clear, reasonable and consistent, the child knows what to expect. When a child’s world is well defined, the child feels safe.
- Example: It is important to be clear about what you expect from yourself and live up to your commitments to yourself. Intend to do your best most of the time.
- Keep a regular schedule:
As adults, we need to be able to do things we don’t like or want to do. The way kids learn to do this is by having a regular routine and schedule. Teaches discipline and responsibility. It creates a clear and non-confusing environment.
- Example: Create a daily plan. Eat in healthy ways at regular times. This gives your inner child a sense of security and consistency .
- Create routines:
Once you’ve established a regular schedule, it’s important to have routines.
- Example: There may be a bedtime ritual that prepares your inner child to unwind from the day. Turn off the TV, dim the lights, play music. You can also have a routine in the morning to prepare yourself for the day.
- Don’t neglect or hurt your Inner Child:
Children; They learn that they are valued by the way you talk to them and talk about them to others. When you see a child through the eyes of love, they believe they are valuable and lovable.
- Example: Learn to say good things about yourself to others. This isn’t bragging, it’s acknowledging your worth. Learn to talk to yourself lovingly. See yourself as a valuable person.
- Teach your Inner Child what you value:
Many adults who grew up in neglectful and abusive homes were not taught values or even morals. Look around and learn what it takes to be a loving, helpful member of your community. Talk to yourself about the importance of being honest and respecting yourself and others. Consider the value of helping others.
- Example: Doing good, being kind, and caring about others will increase your self-worth and self-esteem.
- Your Inner Child needs a break too:
If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t have the resources you need.
- Example: Find healthy distractions and hobbies. Read a book and fill your mind with something interesting. Learn something new.
- Strengthen your support system:
Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who accept you as you are. Parents are not their children’s friends. Therefore, it is important to be your own best friend. Self-parenting is extremely important in our growth and healing. This is the real antidote to loneliness.