Recognizing and Managing Emotions
- How do I feel?
- How do I know?
You should be aware of the emotions of others as much as you are aware of your own emotions.
You should also ask:
- How do others feel and how do I know?
There are several ways to understand how others are feeling, but especially by observing their body language , what they say and how they act . Research shows that over 80% of communication is non-verbal, meaning it comes from body language and facial expression. Most of us don’t like to talk about our emotions, especially if they are really important to us, so our emotions are expressed more through our body language.
Emotions and the Brain
Emotions are not consciously controlled. The part of the brain that deals with emotions is the limbic system. This part of the brain is thought to have evolved quite early in human history, making it quite primitive. This explains why an emotional response is often quite simple but very strong: you want to cry, run away or scream.
Because these reactions are based on the need to survive.
Emotions are strongly linked to memory and experience. If something bad has happened to you before, your emotional response to the same stimulus is likely to be strong.
Babies feel emotions, but cannot reason. Emotions are also closely linked to values: An emotional response can tell you that one of your core values is being questioned.
Understanding this connection to memory and values gives you the key to managing your emotional reactions. Your emotional reactions don’t necessarily have much to do with the current situation or logic, but you can overcome them with logic and awareness of your reactions.
Try this:
- Take some time to notice your emotional reactions and think about what might be behind them, such as values, memories, or experiences.
- Also think about what results in positive emotions and what results in more negative emotions.
- Remember, you can change how you feel.
Learning to Manage Emotions
You can’t control other people, but you can control how you react to them.
Anyone can be angry – that is easy, but being angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – this is not within everyone’s power and is not easy. – Aristotle
High positive energy allows you to perform well, but you cannot stay in this state forever. Sooner or later, you need to reduce energy. Stay positive and you will recover quickly. Delve into more negative emotions and you will feel drained.
High negative energy is a very uncomfortable place to be: it feels like you’re always fighting to survive. Again, you will need to reduce energy at some point as it can lead to burnout.
Positive Actions to Help You Manage Emotions
There are a number of actions you can take to help you manage your emotions. Many of them are very general, but try them because you may find they work.
- Exercise: This releases reward and pleasure chemicals, such as dopamine, in the brain that make you feel better. Being fit also makes you healthier, which helps you manage emotions.
- Be kind to others because it will stop you from worrying about yourself.
- Be open and accept what is happening around you. Learn to appreciate what is happening and avoid being overly critical of others or situations. This ties into mindfulness , which is about being aware of what’s going on in the moment .
- It’s nice to talk. Spend time with other people and enjoy their company.
- Distract yourself. Watching some TV, reading, or surfing the internet will probably help you forget that you’re feeling a little down.
- Don’t give in to negative thinking. If you find yourself having negative thoughts, challenge them by looking for evidence against them.
- Spend time outside. Being in the fresh air, especially in nature, is very beneficial for calming emotions. There is evidence that we need to see the horizon, so if you can climb up a hill and look at the view, do it.
- Be grateful. Thank people personally for doing nice things for you and remember that.
- Play to your strengths. This usually means doing things you enjoy, but also includes things that are good for you.
- Notice the good things in your life.
Applying Reason to Emotion
As we said above, you can change how you feel. The key is to be aware of your emotional response and understand what might be behind it. This way, you can apply a reason to the situation.
For example, you might ask yourself some questions about possible courses of action, such as:
- How do I feel about this situation?
- What do I think I should do about this?
- What impact does this have on me and other people?
- Does this action align with my values?
- If not, what else can I do that would fit better?
- Is there anyone else I can ask who can help me with this?
This helps you apply logic to an emotional response before you react.
Example: Suppose you are afraid of being in the dark because you were once locked in a dark room as a child. You always have an emotional response to darkness due to your previous experiences. But you can remind yourself that you are grown up now and there is nothing that can scare you. All you have to do is walk towards the light and turn it on. By practicing this, you can help your brain understand that there is no need to be afraid and gradually retrain your limbic system.
Making Decisions with Emotions
You can use logic, emotion, or a combination of the two when making decisions.
Emotional decisions are sometimes seen as ‘heat of the moment’, but emotions play a bigger role in most decisions than we may realize. For example, if you are married, you know that significant consideration can go into deciding whether or not to get married. But few would argue that the decision was made solely on the basis of logic.
The best decisions are made using both logic and emotion.
If you only use one or the other, your decisions may not be very balanced or support your emotional needs. Instead, you need to combine your emotional response with more logical thoughts.
You can do this like this:
- Pausing before making a decision, giving yourself a chance to think.
- Consider how you will feel as a result of each possible action.
- Consider what might happen as a result and how your decision might affect others. Would you be happy with these effects?
- Take some time before making a decision.
- Weigh the decision against your values. Is it compatible with them? If not, why not?
- Consider what someone you respect would think about your decision. Are you happy with this?
- Finally, consider what would happen if everyone took the same action. If this is going to be a disaster, it’s probably best not to do it.