WAYS TO RECOGNIZE NARCISSIST PEOPLE AND DEAL WITH THEM

Does he really love?

He is very attractive at first sight and can easily win your heart with his persuasive skills. While you feel like the luckiest and most valuable person in life when his attention is on you, as his interest decreases, you actually come face to face with a very different person, and over time, you may find yourself questioning whether you are truly loved or not.

Because of the condescending and critical attitude you frequently encounter, you may feel worthless day by day, become withdrawn over time, and find yourself giving priority to your life. It requires great energy and patience to cope with his behavior and behavior, which constantly thinks about himself and can perceive even the slightest criticism as an attack on himself. But despite all this, if that person is important to you, applying some communication and relationship rules can make it easier to live with them and cope with relationship difficulties.

 

Did you know the myth of narcissism?

Narscissus is a Greek god who fascinates everyone with his beauty but does not tolerate anyone. One day, while hunting in the forest, he wants to drink water from the lake and becomes fascinated by his own reflection reflected in the water and falls in love. He cannot leave the edge of the lake and watches himself until his life runs out. According to legend, it turns into the flower we know today as narcissus. Narcissistic personality disorder also takes its name from this myth.

 

What is narcissistic personality disorder?  How does he behave in relationships?

Although it is popularly defined as “arrogance and falling in love with oneself”, contrary to popular belief, individuals with this disorder actually do not love themselves and feel an intense feeling of inadequacy. These people, who seem cold, arrogant and arrogant from the outside, are actually so fragile and sensitive. Even if he feels an emotion at the beginning of his relationships, his aim is usually to gain the attention, approval and appreciation of the other party. For this reason, the relationships he establishes are more superficial. His goal is to find someone who will meet all his needs, praise him in front of other people, and support him financially and morally.

 

How do we recognize narcissists?

• They are selfish. Even in the smallest decision taken, one’s own wishes and thoughts are always important.

• They do not empathize. Your feelings and thoughts regarding their attitude and behavior are not important to them. The important thing is to achieve your own wishes and dreams.

• They always think they are right and blame others for their mistakes. They don’t apologize. They think they are too perfect to make mistakes. If there is a mistake, it must be due to other people.
• They often attract attention by evoking negative emotions and feel powerful by disrupting your balance.
• They think that they are better and perfect than they are and that others cannot do without them. They enjoy being praised and being the center of attention.

 

So what should we do?

1- Do not get into an argument. He may use any means to prove himself right in arguments, and if you are right, he will become angry or even spiteful at you. Try to keep your calm and avoid getting into arguments whenever possible.

2- They perceive even the smallest criticism as an attack on themselves, but looking good and having a reputation in front of other people is extremely important to them. Therefore, sometimes instead of expressing your feelings and thoughts as they are, you ask, “What will people think if you do this?” Based on this idea, you can help him find the answers and decide on his own.

3- Control your anger.

Instead of speaking angrily and accusingly, say, “You are valuable to me, and when you act like this, I feel sad that I am worthless to you.” A sentence like this that emphasizes his value will make him take into consideration what you say.

4- Do not turn inward and remain silent.

Staying silent during an argument causes a narcissist to become more defensive and increase the dose of criticism. Try to express yourself as calmly and respectfully as possible. “I feel like you’re underestimating me right now, I guess I’m not valuable in your eyes anymore.” You can express your feelings with a sentence like:

5- Pay attention to his actions, not his promises. You are likely to be disappointed because he often makes promises that he does not keep in order to achieve his goals.

6- Try to create common denominators and goals. As long as you share the same goal, they will work to achieve their goals.

7- Don’t take it personally. They are likely to often deny their mistakes and blame you because they don’t want to admit their own mistakes. For this reason, you may often be subjected to humiliation and disdain. Accept the situation and be honest with yourself. You cannot change him, even if he wants to, it is difficult to change.

Even though you share your feelings and pain with him openly and honestly, if you cannot get an answer or see a change, you probably won’t be able to see it afterwards either. If you still continue to stay with him, approaching him with the thought that he will get better every time you try will increase your disappointment. Therefore, try to stay strong and not lose your self-respect and confidence.