What is Manipulation in Relationships? How to Understand?

Relationships between people form a fundamental part of life. However, sometimes these relationships can be overshadowed by manipulation by one party aimed at misleading or influencing the other. Manipulation in relationships is part of the process of understanding and exploring emotional intelligence and the way people interact with each other.

Manipulation refers to a set of psychological tactics by which one person aims to mislead, influence, or control another. Such behavior is often intended to serve the manipulator’s interests and may involve emotional or psychological abuse. The presence of manipulation in relationships can lead to the erosion of trust, violate personal boundaries, and have serious effects on its victims. Therefore, in order to establish a healthy relationship with the other person, you should know what manipulation is in relationships ; You must learn how to deal with this situation. In this article, we will share the definition of manipulation in detail and try to raise your awareness about establishing healthy relationships.

Persuasion or Manipulation?

People you describe as having high persuasive abilities may have a manipulative character. We can explain the difference between these two concepts as follows:

Manipulation is the tactics used by one person to influence or control another. If there is a person who wants to manipulate you, this person wants to protect his personal interests and achieve his goals. Although it may be a harsh term for some, manipulation can include emotional and psychological abuse.

Besides, persuasion; It is the art of influencing the other person with logical arguments and open communication. If the other person applies persuasion techniques to you, this occurs on the basis of mutual understanding and consent. Respect and honesty are essential in the persuasion process.

As a result, although persuasion and manipulation are thought of as the same concepts, these two are very different concepts. Therefore, you should be aware of whether the other person is manipulating or persuading you.

Types of Manipulation in Romantic Relationships

Manipulation techniques seen in romantic relationships may involve an emotional set of tactics in which one partner attempts to control the other or protect their personal interests. We can list the types of manipulation observed in romantic relationships as follows:

Emotional Manipulation : If your partner tries to influence you by using your emotional weaknesses and sensitive points, he is practicing emotional manipulation. For example:

• Blame and accusation: “You always argue with me.”
• Crying and causing emotional distress: Making the partner feel guilty.

Abuse and Control : The manipulator may use threats or violence to control the partner physically or emotionally. Examples could be:

• Watching or following the partner.
• Establishing control through threats and intimidation.

Gaslighting : If your partner tries to manipulate you with the aim of changing your perception of reality, this is called gaslighting. Gaslighting causes serious psychological strain in relationships and the victim is deeply affected. We have shared two example sentences containing gaslighting for you below:

• “You’re wrong, it never happened like that.”
• “You’re making this up in your mind.”

Financial Manipulation : The manipulator may attempt to control or exploit the partner’s financial resources.
For example:

• Do not withdraw or spend money from joint accounts.
• Making the partner financially dependent.

Breakup Threats : If your partner threatens you about ending the relationship or the harm that will occur when your relationship ends, this is a situation that should be kept in the manipulation category in relationships.
For example:

• “If you leave me, I will commit suicide.”
• “If I find someone else, I’ll leave you.”

False Love and Care : Your partner’s attempt to impress you with his or her unrealistic love and attention is also a type of manipulation.

For example:

• Manipulation with phrases “I love you so much.”
• Protecting your personal interests with the words “I will do anything for you”.

Silence and Coldness : The manipulator makes the partner anxious by punishing him with silence or emotional coldness. Examples could be:

• Cutting off communication or not talking.
• Don’t act cold and distant.

gaslighting

When it comes to manipulation in relationships, perhaps one of the least known but most important issues is Gaslighting.  Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique in which the manipulator attempts to disrupt the other person’s reality and the connection between the real world and their mind.

The term is based on a 1944 play called “Gas Light”, which was later adapted for the big screen twice under the same name. The subject of this theater play is actually a situation that summarizes the term gaslight, which is a type of manipulation. The play tells the story of a woman being deceived by her husband and starting to question reality.

Gaslighting, that is, manipulation in the relationship, is applied by the following methods:

Lies and Denials: The gaslighter or gaslighter may deny or deny the victim’s experiences or observations. For example, when you tell your partner during a conversation that you remember something, your partner may claim that it is not true or that it never happened.

Untrue Claims: The gaslighter may make false claims to shake the victim’s perception of reality. For example, after a conversation with a friend, your partner or the other person may claim that your friend has bad intentions or will harm you.

Persuasion and Undermining: The Gaslighter may attempt to undermine a person’s self-confidence. For example, your partner constantly criticizes you and may make you feel insecure with derogatory comments.

Opposing Definitions : The gaslighter may describe the person as he or she knows them. For example, when you have a sensitive reaction about something, the gaslighter may describe you or the situation as “too emotional” or “ridiculous.”

Effects of Gaslighting:

Gaslighting can have profound psychological effects on people. We can list these effects as follows:

• Lack of Self-Confidence: Manipulation in relationships can cause a person to lose confidence in their own perception of reality and memory.
• Emotional Distress: individuals may experience emotional distress when constantly criticized or belittled by the gaslighter.
• Isolation of the Victim: The gaslighter may use gaslighting to isolate the other person from other people and make them accept only their own reality.

Gaslighting undermines trust and open communication in healthy relationships. Therefore, you must be aware of this type of manipulation and develop self-protective strategies against emotional bullying. Additionally, if you have been exposed to gaslighting or similar manipulation tactics and think you cannot overcome this situation, you can make an appointment to meet with experienced psychologists on onlinepsikolog.com.

How to Protect Yourself from Manipulation in Relationships?

Yes, so far we have talked about topics such as what is manipulation, what is gaslighting, what are its techniques. However, knowing the techniques and being able to protect ourselves are different things. Below, we have listed some of our suggestions to help you protect yourself from manipulative people.

1. Developing Awareness:It is important to develop awareness to recognize the signs and tactics of manipulation. Therefore, you must be aware of this situation to be protected.
2. Setting Boundaries:Emotional manipulation in bilateral relationships is quite challenging. However, you should still set your personal boundaries and stick to them. You should not allow others to violate these boundaries.
3. Open Communication:Be open and honest in communication. If someone is trying to manipulate you, speak up and communicate to maintain your boundaries.
4. Developing Emotional Intelligence:Improve your own emotional intelligence skills. Emotional intelligence can help you better recognize the emotional manipulation of others.
5. Trusting Yourself:Being confident makes it more difficult for manipulators to shake you. Appreciate your own worth and abilities.
6. Independence and Self-Respect:Be independent and maintain your own self-respect. Manipulators may try to gain control by exploiting a person’s addiction.
7. Choosing Your Circle:Prioritize finding healthy relationships and supportive friends. A solid support system can help protect you against manipulation.
8. Determination:Do not succumb to the tactics of manipulators. Be firm and stick to your limits.
9. Seeking Professional Help:The effects of manipulation can be serious. If you are facing manipulation in a relationship or situation, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor.
10. Learning and Educating:Learning more about manipulation and getting trained in it can help you protect yourself from manipulation.

As a result, dealing with manipulation is crucial to maintaining your self-esteem and developing healthy relationships. To protect yourself against the tactics of manipulators, you should not ignore important points such as awareness, communication and personal development.

Additionally, in order to understand whether your partner is manipulating the love you live together, please ask yourself the following questions from time to time:

• How do I feel when we’re together?
• How do I feel when you’re not around?
• Do I feel self-doubt or guilt during or after our conversations?
• Do I feel like I’m constantly being criticized?

Summary

Our relationships are a fundamental part of our lives. However, sometimes we do not feel safe or at peace in our relationships with some people. We feel guilty in the relationship and feel that our self-confidence has decreased. We can generally call such situations manipulation in relationships.

Manipulation in relationships is a form of behavior involving “psychological violence” in which a person or partner aims to influence, mislead or control the other person. These behaviors basically aim to protect the interests of the person with manipulative behavior.

We can list the types of emotional manipulation observed in romantic relationships as follows: emotional manipulation, gaslighting, separation threats, financial manipulation, love-bombing, silence or coldness. You can protect yourself from these types of manipulation by developing awareness, setting your limits, developing emotional intelligence, receiving education or therapy, and improving your environment.

If you think you need professional help on this issue, you can meet with experienced psychologists on onlinepsikolog.com.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you know if you are being manipulated in a relationship?

It is not always easy to understand that manipulation is being used in a relationship. However, you can understand whether your partner is manipulating you by asking yourself the questions listed below.

• How do I feel when we’re together?
• How do I feel when you’re not around?
• Do I feel self-doubt or guilt during or after our conversations?
• Do I feel like I’m constantly being criticized?

How to understand a manipulative person?

If you are not conscious about this, you may not easily understand whether the other person is manipulative or not. However, in general, manipulative people are self-centered and try to control the other person. Additionally, during the conversation, you may witness him/her telling you that you are imagining some events in your mind, distorting the events, and that the people around you influence you.

What does it mean to be manipulated?

Being manipulated means that a person is subjected to psychological tactics for the purpose of consciously misleading, influencing or controlling another person or persons. Manipulation is a form of behavior that is generally used by the manipulator to protect his own interests, to obtain desired results, or to influence others.